Dr. Shahid Amin Trali

No Late & No Early Marriages!

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Let’s be sober and simple in marriages. Let’s not promote the glitz and glam in marriages.


Dr. Shahid Amin Trali

Late marriages are one of the crucial issues that poses a serious threat to the society. As rightly being said that marriages are settled in heaven and celebrated on earth. We must accept that marriages are a pious part of life. The world is surviving and sustaining and the life goes on from one generation to next  due to the biological mixing of a husband and wife. It is through marriages we see this world dwelled by some beautiful characters in the form of fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, grandfathers, grandmothers, friends, and relatives, neighbors, et al. Even this society has critique and foes for us who make us strong and give us some of the best learning experiences in life. All of the beautiful characters have an important role in life.

The world of sciences and religions both thrust deeply on the timely marriages. When we are young, our mind find it easy to adapt and sustain. As we grow old, it tends to become more firm in decision making process, thus leaving little opportunities for couples to compromise on incompatible goals. When the marriages take place on time, it has more benefits and ensures our good health, prosperity and a better future for us. Conversely, late marriages with exceptions have chances to put our life in stress. There is not a sole factor for late marriages. Rather many factors account for this crisis situation.

The menace of dowry and being lavish to celebrate marriages has entirely gripped our society and defeated us most. Adding fuel to the fire and making life tough for the poor, a new breed of humans have started attaching money and gold to gift cards, invitation cards etc. The height is you will be greeted with gold on marriage occasions nowadays. You may also find gold served with the meals. Ah! It seems a new meal added to the menu chart. There is no dearth of glitz of glam in our society. There’s always an attempt to make marriages a unique affair but puts an equal pressure on the poor and large section of the society.

The poor father of a bride either earns for years long or takes a debt to cover the huge marriage expanses. Narrating one of the experiences some years back here in Gwalior, I was passing through a street dwelled by some poor families. The street was blocked with a huge tent around and it looked to me more of an exhibition. I could find a scooty, a T.V set, sofas, bed, cooler and a huge collection of steel utensils. To my surprise, I came to know that it was a marriage ceremony. Another surprise here, one of my friends namely ‘Monu’ told me that he is pursuing his studies just to get a good hike in dowry. It is heart wrenching to see how one poor father’s sweat (money earned with hard efforts) goes in vain and in no time. Our sisters also face the wrath and tortures due to the unjustified demand of dowry.

The good and royal families can truly make a difference. We have good examples now from wealthy families who have set standards in the form of simple marriages and attempt to curb this menace. Let’s not forget that if we offer world’s best meals in marriage, still we will find a critique for our show. It is our good intentions that matter most than showcasing our wealth and fame. There is only one power as supreme in this world and it is Allah’s grace. Let’s be sober and simple in marriages and not cross the limits so that it turns as a difficult affair for those who are poor and have limited resources.

Not only late but early marriages too can be devastating. Researchers find that the girls who are married early are more likely to be abused physically and emotionally. Early marriages deprive our boys and girls of their rich childhood. They are put to extreme stress of domestic responsibility rather than playing with friends and dreaming about a rich career.

Our cultures and societal norms make marriages tougher and tougher. However, we have given a free will to indecencies in society. Our parents must have the courage to decide and dictate for simple marriages. My ‘Nikkah’ was performed in a mosque when my own father and my father in law decided it there on the directions of a good religious scholar. It was a simple one when only few Kilograms of ‘Dates’ were distributed on the occasion. I was already engaged and my close ones wanted it big on a ‘Nikkah’ ceremony.  My wife gave her consent through a telephonic call. Our families got to know only when we reached back home from the mosque. We faced little angriness but it was just a matter of time that everyone accepted the good deed.

I have also witnessed many of my good friends marrying late for good settlement in life. But what is good settlement in life, is a big question? The perception is that a govt. job is a great job and makes life rich and secure. Moreover, parents prefer to find a partner for their sons and daughters who are well settled. The high preference is given to one who is in Govt. service. As time passes in finding and choosing the best one, finally they realize what they have done is wrong. The world is in high pressure and there are least jobs available to even the educated and skillful youths.

The population is growing at an alarming rate. The perception needs a change that both the partners must be in govt. service. It can give good results and is in better interest of the society when one partner is having a job and the other belongs to a poor family. Let’s not forget that the world itself is temporary. Besides the govt. have no jobs to offer and we must accept this as a bitter truth. Why not develop faith and belief in Allah and in our own potential? Let’s be happy with what we have and never stop progressing. Let’s strive hard and smart and believe in our destiny. Let’s not delay marriages and accept that timely marriages lead to a good life ahead. Let’s be sober and simple in marriages. Let’s not promote the glitz and glam in marriages. Let’s say no to early marriages and give birth to a peaceful and caring society.

  • The writer is Assistant Professor, ITM University Gwalior and can be reached at [email protected]

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