How easy it is to preach empathy and say that we are empathetic, while in reality it is quite contradictory of it. Many times people confuse sympathy with empathy. Sympathy is something in which we feel pain of others while empathy is a feeling in which we feel pain with others and put ourselves in someone’s shoes. Being empathetic is quite cumbersome when compared to being sympathetic, which is quite easy. Nevertheless, both are the humane orientations.
Empathy in words, Indifference in Actions
Whenever we try to be empathetic we feel like yes we have a humane orientation and we feel with that person who can be anyone – mother, father, wife, brother, sister, relative, friend, stranger etc. It’s easy to feel empathetic but that empathy must be quite evident in your actions. When you feel with someone, then you must help that person in every possible way you can & not just flatter. For instance a person is saying, “Oh! I wish his poverty ends,” wherein he is capable of donating but he is just wishing, so this is not empathy, he should donate & help.
That everyday test of Humanity
Empathy is not tested occasionally but in every second, in every nook & corner of your life whether we’re seeing an animal, bird, insect or a human. The food that you’re eating, are you grateful for that? Have you thought that before wasting it, can it be a full time meal for someone? These questions should keep on arising in your mind. The way you walk, talk, help, feel, think, judge etc. everything is the evidence of you being empathetic or not.
The difference between feeling for others & standing with them
This is where being ‘sympathetic’ and ’empathetic’ becomes quite opposite of each other when you are feeling for someone, “Oh! He is very sad,” is being sympathetic wherein you are not helping the other person but just feeling for him/her. Whereas, in empathy you are feeling for that person but additionally you went to that person and asked him the reason for his sorrowness & offered him all the possible help that you are capable of.
The selective nature of modern empathy
During this modern era, it has become a taboo of being empathetic. People are being empathetic, but in a different definition. Their empathy is visible only on the social media, stories, status etc. but in reality if a helpless person struck by them, they don’t even look at him/her. This is what according to me is a new version of empathy, that should be called as ‘Digital Empathy’.
An incident of my life
Once I met with an accident on my bike & it was nearly a fatal accident but with all mercy & indebtedness of the Almighty God, I somehow survived. But that day showed me the true meaning of being empathetic. As & when I came out of blackout phase of about 10 seconds, some people remained in or on their vehicles & didn’t bother to come out & save me, but some people being sympathetic came & helped me stand on my feet & passed by (I’m grateful to them) but after all this I remember an auto rickshaw driver who remained there & stood by me unless & until I was stable; he offered me water & enquired about me & he left only after I left. This is what ‘real empathy’ is where he saw the pain of mine by placing his feet in my shoes.
Empathy begins where Self Interest ends
The key to empathy & well known fact about being empathetic is by ending one’s own self interest and looking through the eyes of the victim. As far as I am concerned, one should not expect anything in return after helping someone & should take empathy only as a means of ‘satisfying one’s own soul and the soul of the others’. This, in true sense, will make you a real empathetic person. It will differentiate you from being sympathetic.
A society that speaks of Empathy but struggles to practice it
In a world of brimming nature, where everyone speaks but a meager amount of people follow, empathy has only remained in tongue & not in actions. In today’s world, I am being reminded of a quote, “Help in a way, that if right hand is in action, then even the left hand shouldn’t know about it”. This intent is the point where real empathy begins & no return expectation is achieved.
All these points remind us of the fact that each time we see others in pain, we should feel the pain all by ourselves, then only in reality we will be called as ‘social being’ otherwise we will only remain as a ‘human being’ of self interest only.
The author is an independent researcher and columnist who writes on public policy, social change, youth affairs and governance. He can be reached at shahidhakla@shahidhakla.com