Marriage has long been regarded as one of the most important institutions in Kashmiri society. Yet, an increasing number of young people are marrying much late in life than previous generations. It is becoming increasingly common to find men remaining unmarried till their late thirties and women entering marriage in their thirties. This growing trend deserves serious attention, not only because of its social implications but also because it reflects deeper economic and cultural changes taking place within society.
The reasons behind delayed marriages in Kashmir are complex and interconnected. Economic insecurity, unemployment, prolonged education, rising living costs, changing social attitudes, and increasing marriage-related expenses have collectively reshaped the institution of marriage. No single factor alone explains the phenomenon; rather, it is the cumulative effect of changing economic realities and evolving social expectations.
One of the principal causes is unemployment and financial instability. Thousands of educated young people spend years preparing for competitive examinations, hoping to secure a government job, which continues to be viewed as the most reliable source of financial security. Others remain trapped in contractual or low-paying employment that offers little certainty about the future. In such circumstances, many young men postpone marriage until they achieve financial independence. At the same time, many young women are pursuing higher education and professional careers, choosing to establish themselves before entering married life. These changing priorities have naturally contributed to a higher average age at marriage.
The rising cost of weddings has further aggravated the problem. Marriage ceremonies that were once modest family occasions have increasingly become extravagant social events. Lavish functions, expensive venues, elaborate decorations, and social competition have transformed marriage into a significant financial undertaking. Families often spend beyond their means simply to meet societal expectations, while others postpone marriages until they accumulate sufficient resources.
For decades, public discourse rightly concentrated on eliminating the social evil of dowry. Religious scholars, educational institutions, civil society organisations, and social activists deserve appreciation for consistently discouraging dowry demands and promoting simplicity in marriage. Their sustained efforts have produced encouraging results. Today, there are numerous examples of grooms and their families voluntarily rejecting dowry, cash, expensive gifts, gold jewellery, household articles, and even lavish wedding feasts offered by the bride’s family. Such positive developments deserve recognition and encouragement.
However, while traditional dowry demands have declined in many sections of society, another dimension of the problem has received comparatively little attention.
Many parents today quietly admit that arranging the marriage of a son has become one of the most challenging financial responsibilities they face. Before a marriage proposal is even seriously considered, a young man is often expected to have secure employment, a respectable income, a modern house or the financial capacity to build one, separate accommodation, and the ability to provide a comfortable lifestyle from the very beginning of married life.
The soaring price of gold has added another layer of financial pressure. Expectations regarding substantial gold jewellery, well-furnished accommodation, modern interiors, attached washrooms, household furnishings, and other expensive arrangements can place an enormous burden on ordinary families. These expectations are often beyond the reach of unemployed or underemployed youth whose families survive on modest incomes.
Time has changed, and society must acknowledge these changing realities. While earlier debates largely centred on dowry demands made by the groom’s family, many now argue that the nature of financial expectations surrounding marriage has evolved. In many cases, grooms willingly refuse dowry, gold, expensive gifts, and extravagant wedding feasts. Yet many families believe that expectations relating to financial stability, housing, lifestyle, and costly arrangements continue to delay marriages. Whether one agrees with this perception or not, it deserves thoughtful public discussion rather than silence.
This discussion is not intended to blame women. Women constitute half of humanity and have every right to seek dignity, education, security, and a respectful married life. Equally, young men and their families face genuine economic hardships that deserve recognition. The issue is not men versus women; it is society versus unrealistic expectations. Marriage should be a partnership built on mutual understanding, not a test of financial capacity.
Changing social attitudes have also contributed to delayed marriages. Families today place greater emphasis on educational qualifications, career prospects, financial stability, compatibility, and long-term security. Concerns about marital discord and divorce have encouraged greater caution in selecting life partners. In addition, preferences relating to occupation, family background, and social status can further narrow matrimonial choices and prolong the search for a suitable match.
The consequences extend beyond individual families. Delayed marriages have social, psychological, demographic, and economic implications. They affect family formation, emotional well-being, and social stability. A society where thousands of educated young people postpone marriage because of financial barriers must reflect honestly on whether its expectations have become disconnected from economic realities.
The time has come to broaden the conversation. Religious scholars, community leaders, educators, civil society organisations, and policymakers should address not only the remnants of dowry but also the growing culture of excessive material expectations surrounding marriage today. Awareness campaigns should encourage simplicity, moderation, and realistic expectations from both families.
It may also be appropriate for policymakers and law reform bodies to study whether additional social or legal reforms are required to discourage unreasonable financial expectations from either side of a marriage. The objective should not be to create new disputes or assign blame but to ensure that marriage remains affordable, dignified, and accessible for ordinary families.
Marriage should never become a test of wealth or social status. Its true foundation lies in mutual respect, compassion, trust, and shared values—not in the amount of gold exchanged, the size of a house, or the extravagance of a wedding ceremony.
If Kashmir genuinely wishes to reverse the growing trend of delayed marriages, it must confront not only the social evils of yesterday but also the economic realities of today. Only by promoting simpler marriages, realistic expectations, and shared responsibility can society ensure that marriage remains a source of stability, happiness, and hope rather than financial anxiety.
The writer is an Advocate at the High Court of Jammu & Kashmir and Ladakh.
Email: Suhailadv13@gmail.com