Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. So often we hold on to some biting remark, or a nasty, backstabbing jibe. Well, we are, after all, human. The hurt lingers and festers into a throbbing and palpitating wound. We mull it over in our agonized brains with feverish resentment. What a useless exercise. It could be a survival mechanism which if held too long can become maladaptive. The example many spiritual teachers give us about the bag of rotten tomatoes is perfect to highlight the uselessness of carrying a grudge. We add a tomato to our bag every time we feel wronged and upset by someone’s behaviour. It is frustrating to carry the mess, stench and wight of rotten tomatoes on our own backs. It does not affect the person you are angry with. If we are drinking rat poison ourselves, how ridiculous it is to wait for the rat to die! Everything appears distorted to us for we are in a self-inflicted prison. The environment becomes toxic around us, and we burn our own fingers with the hot coal that we hold to throw on others. It is so much better to let go, forgive even if it is tough to forget.
Confucius contradicts that by telling us that “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it”. ”Uss ki himmat kaise hui mujhe aisa bolne ki?” or ”teriyaan te main haddiyaan bhann devaanga, tu samajhda ki hainapne aap nu?’ Alas, life is too short to nurse animosity and to register wrongs. Our hearts become fragile with grudges. They eat like white ants ”deemak”, into our very fountain head of joy. ”Main nahi saure jaana, gaddi nu khaali mode ve.” Heavy and leaden is the heart that carries a grudge. Each time we grope in our tiny hearts to find forgiveness. Let us not forget, the master forgiver-the good lord, who smiles benevolently, at our fuming and raging grudges. If you want to set yourself free by uprooting bitterness and anger, then the only thing strong enough is a sincere apology. It’s pretty darn miraculous. The Hyderabadis taught me to say ”jaane bhi do yaaro” – the Lucknowi urged me to say ”chhodo yaar, paan lagaao”. So much more fun, to take a deep breath and recite ”woh naye gille woh shikayatein, woh mazze mazze ki hiqayatein, woh har ek baat pe roothhna, tumhein yaad ho ke na yaad ho”.
Lily Swarn is an internationally acclaimed poet, novelist, and essayist, author of 10 books. She is the 2023-24 International Beat Poet Laureate India and a Peace and Humanity ambassador. She can be reached at sukhish83@gmail.com.
