Existence itself is a struggle; each day brings a new battle to fight. Be it a rude bus driver, a demanding boss, livelihood issues, family problems, social exclusion, time pressure, personality clashes, cognitive errors, mood swings, stress, aspirations, or relationship conflicts.
Everyone is fighting an unseen battle of his or her own. However, why is it that some people seem to navigate life with relative ease, while others feel crushed by it? From a psychological point of view, stress is not merely what happens to us, but how we interpret what happens. The causes behind mental health challenges can be internal or external, but since we have limited control over external circumstances, the real work must begin within.
The first battle, therefore, is an inner one. A fight against self-doubt, heartbreak, demeaning self-talk, worries, imagined fears, and self-defeating thoughts. Easy to say, difficult to practice. How then can a person, despite knowing all his internal enemies, rise above them?
As homeopathy suggests what harms can also heal. If our inner turmoil arises from within, its cure too must begin within, through self-focus, self-improvement, and inward reflection. This, however, should never be confused with self-blame.
One approach that can help a person navigate daily struggles is by not taking external events personally. External chaos doesn’t always mean something is wrong within. Rudeness from others doesn’t mean we are unworthy, and misbehaviour doesn’t mean we deserved it. The aim should be to respond to external events rather than react, that is to express oneself calmly yet firmly. This can be achieved by gradually cultivating and strengthening one’s tolerance. Tolerance is a kind of strength that grows only through struggle. Life offers no shortcuts to it; it must be cultivated. Every disturbing event can be seen as a test of frustration tolerance, an opportunity to measure and strengthen one’s inner calm.
Harsh words from others hurt us not because of the words themselves, but because of the meanings we attach to them. Our self-worth should never depend on how others treat us. For example, if a dollar bill is thrown in the mud, its value remains the same. Others opinions and behaviour does not define us.
At times, it’s wiser not to engage in endless arguments. Questions like “Why is this happening to me?” or “What have I done to deserve it?” is a waste of time and energy. Sometimes, the best response is to devalue the mistreatment of others and focus on healing. Like one bitten by a snake, our task is not to argue with the snake but to find the antidote.
Furthermore, daily struggles, if seen differently, can become sources of meaning. As Viktor Frankl wrote, “One must weave the delicate threads of everyday struggle into a firm pattern of meaning.” The question, however, is how one can find life worth living amidst suffering. According to Frankl, it is not suffering itself that destroys us, but the failure to find meaning in it.
Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, argued that to live is to suffer, and to survive is to find meaning in that suffering. He believed that if there is a purpose in life, there must also be a purpose in suffering. No one can tell another person what that purpose is; each must discover it for himself and accept the responsibility that comes with it.
From his experiences, Frankl concluded that even in the darkest conditions, humans possess the freedom to choose their attitude. He further believed that humans have an extraordinary capacity to rise above suffering, to find meaning, and to discover truth. Life, Frankl reminds us, “holds a potential meaning under any conditions, even the most miserable ones.” Happiness, he argued, cannot be pursued directly; it ensues as the by-product of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Thus, everyday struggles can be viewed as “hints from heaven,” urging us to grow, to strive, and to find meaning even amid difficulty.
It must be noted that dealing with daily struggles does not mean becoming apathetic. When faced with a problem, instead of bowing down, straighten your spine and confront it. When life feels harsh, recall Frankl, who from his experience at the concentration camp concluded that there are people in unimaginable conditions who still managed to preserve dignity and hope.
Frankl found that people could retreat inwardly to a world of spiritual richness when the external world offered no solace. He compared suffering to gas filling a chamber, it expands to fill the space available, no matter how small or large. Similarly, suffering occupies the human mind completely, regardless of its intensity. However, this also means that even small joys can bring immense relief.
Hence, mental health depends not on what we expect from life, but on what life expects from us. Each of us is constantly being questioned by life, not through words, but through circumstances. Our answer must come through finding meaning in each struggle. Moreover, when bad experiences come to an end, they seem nothing but a brief nightmare. In the words of Otto von Bismarck, “Life is like being at the dentist, you always think that the worst is still to come, and yet it is already over.”
The writer is Ph.D. Psychology. immi85.khan@gmail.com
