Family Conflict: Issues, Challenges and Prospects
By: Dr. Imtiyaz Ahmad Wani
Family is a fundamental unit and the most pervasive and permanent institution of human society. Families develop the characters of the members of society. It is the character developed in the family which helps the child in becoming an important or responsible member of society. A family is the first social environment that we interact with. It is through family that we learn the basics of social interactions and socialize ourselves, i.e. learn to interact productively with society.
It is through family that we learn how to survive and thrive. In modern times, people are busy and hardly have time for their family members. People are working and furthering their education among important things to lead a better life. However, a family needs to take some time for each other. Everyone needs to realize that there is nothing that is as essential as family. Also, it is essential to make sure that, you need to find some time to spend with the family members as a family.
Families provide people with an atmosphere in which to live, grow, and develop. A family culture is established by the parents and instilled in the children during their upbringing. A healthy family is a family which follows a set of strong morals, stays loyal to one another, cooperates, and works together to avoid conflict. An environment where there is openness amongst family members is ideal because minds that are open are more susceptible to avoiding conflict than minds that are closed. If conflict gets the best of a family, it has the potential to increase hostility and create remoteness between family members; however, if a family resolves conflict, it can strengthen and enforce the family relationships.
A family must establish a set of values and morals that the members should try to live and abide by. It does not mean writing them down on paper and following them as if they are laws, but it simply means taking a practical approach to raising a family. The best way to ensure that these morals are followed by the children is by having the parents follow them as well. Children learn by modeling the authorities and in every family, the authorities are the parents. The parents are ultimately responsible for their children’s behavior because the children act accordingly to what they are taught and what they witness. If the parents set a bad example for behavior, chances are that the children justify any wrong behavior by arguing that is how their parents act.
Family Conflict
Family harmony provides a sense of belonging and a feeling of security unlike many other types of relationships.When conflict arises, it threatens that security. Whether the disharmony initiates from within the family unit or from external sources, individual family members and the family as a whole can experience a range of negative emotions and consequences. Unresolved conflict may irreparably damage a marriage and the entire family if family members do not seek help. Conflict can happen when family members have different views or beliefs that clash. Sometimes conflict can occur when people misunderstand each other and jump to the wrong conclusion. Issues of conflict that are not resolved peacefully can lead to arguments and resentment. Families have multiple sources of conflict in their lives. Sometimes, parents disagree about how to raise their children, how to divide housework, or how money should be spent. Other times, heated arguments break out between children that can involve the whole family. It is normal to disagree with each other from time to time. Occasional conflict is part of family life. However, ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. Some people find it difficult to manage their feelings and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent. Communicating in a positive way can help reduce conflict so that family members can reach a peaceful resolution. This usually means that everyone agrees to a compromise or agrees to disagree.
Family is a source of great joy. But when conflict arises, family turmoil can lead to depression, anxiety, resentment and fear. A variety of issues can cause conflict between relatives, including extramarital affairs, poor communication and child-related hardships like infertility, disabilities or opposing parenting styles can damage relationships. Not having money for basic necessities like food, clothing, shelter, medicine creates conflicts in family. Harsh attitude of parents and excessive punishment to children can cause family conflicts. Relatives, neighbors, friends and in-laws can create misunderstanding between family members.
Conflict Resolution
- Be hard on the problem, not the people: Change the nature of the fight and you will change the dynamic. Stop throwing stones in arguments. Using blame, shame, or guilt to get your spouse to do something will become less effective as your relationship ends, because each of you will stop making the little concessions you once made for each other in the relationship. Instead, address the problem rather than laying blame on your spouse.
- Bite your tongue: Think before you respond. Those few seconds of tongue biting can save you a lot of trouble in the long run.
- Acknowledge: Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings without beingpatronizing.
Be direct; don’t play games. Have your own priorities straight. - Give the Benefit of the Doubt:Before, during, and after your divorce, you are going to have lots of opportunities to test your ability to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Any time you feel frustrated, annoyed, or mildly irritated, remember that your spouse is human and so are you. We all have our bad days. Also, one day you may be the one asking for the benefit of the doubt, and it helps to pay it forward.
Offering the benefit of the doubt helps you practice seeing the best in your spouse. - Always stand by your family:It is obvious that you need to tackle some hard times with your family. It can be a financial problem, physical or psychological problem of your loved ones, and so on. No matter how bad the situation is, stand by your family members. If your children have done something bad, tell them calmly why it is wrong instead of yelling at them. If any of your family is facing some problems, give them physical, financial, and mental support to deal with the issues.
Most importantly, each family member should listen carefully to others. Calmly try to clarify the differences in the argument. Define the conflict and frame it, once you understand the problem, you can solve the issues without becoming angry and destructive. Remember that, despite your differences, you love and respect each other. The viewpoints of everyone in the family are worth hearing and need to be acknowledged. Some of the time, one motivated family member can lead the charge in handling family conflict in order to resolve familyarguments and help all parties move past the issues. “Strong families have open lines of communication – where all family members feel heard and respected. One of the best ways to strengthen your family is to increase your listening skills and those of other family members. Until we can hear each other, we cannot build strong relationships.
Conclusions and Suggestions:
Most of the people fail to maintain a pleasant family life due to the lack of proper communication. Financial distress, misunderstanding, lack of trust, in-law related conflict, sibling conflict over care of elderly parents, constant absence of a spouse, jealousy, insecurity and infidelity are the most common causes of family conflicts. Communication is essential for recognizing the signs of love, affection, worries, or sadness of your partner and kids. You can know your family better and learn about their dreams, desires, expectations, etc. Encourage them for an open and honest conversation so that they can share everything freely. Ask your children about their school, events, or their interests. Be patient and listen to what they are saying. No matter how busy you are or how important other jobs are, your family should be your main priority. You can’t hanker after your desires keeping your family behind. You have to put the happiness of your spouse and children before your own to have a joy-filled family life.
Learn to compromise and start considering things from the perspective of your family. You have to change your previous careless lifestyle and all bad habits which can affect your family. You have to understand that your partner is taking the same responsibilities for the welfare of you and your children. No family will be perfect until you focus on the relationship with your spouse. Be kind and gentle to your partner. Show her love, care and respect her decisions. Learn her favorite things and her desires. Parenting doesn’t mean only giving financial support to your kids. Kids, as well as your spouse, need your time more than anything else. Spending more time will help to form a stronger relationship with your beloved ones. You can help your wife in household chores or cooking, even if you can’t do the tasks properly, she will love your company. Try cooking and make them their favorite dessert on your own. If the problem still bubbles up, make sure to get it resolved right away rather than letting it fester.
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