Domestic Violence – A challenge that needs to be taken head-on
On January 18, people in south Kashmir’s Shelipora Achabal took to streets to protest an alleged ‘murder’ of a 30-year-old woman by her in-laws over the dowry issue. The in-laws of the deceased woman strongly deny the charges. Presently, the matter is under police investigation and no conclusion can be drawn at this point in time. However, the case has generated a debate on domestic violence, which experts say is on the rise in Kashmir for quite some time.
Although there is no latest official data available to gauge the present scenario about the incidences of domestic violence in the Valley, during the past few years, enough evidence has been coming up to confirm the fact that the domestic violence, particularly against the womenfolk, is on a rise in the society.
For instance, the National Family Health Survey (NFHS) revealed that 9.6 percent of women in the age group 18-49 experienced domestic violence in 2019-20 in Jammu and Kashmir. The report released last year states that most sexual harassment and domestic abuse cases occur in rural areas. On February 12-14, last year, the National Commission for Women (NCW) held a three-day public hearing of the cases, including cases of domestic violence, in Srinagar. After the event, Rekha Sharma, chairperson of NCW told the media that she had not expected that there would be complaints about the dowry issues in the Valley. But she confirmed that dowry is one of the key causes for the domestic violence here.
The situation in terms of the domestic violence occurrences in the Valley can also be measured by the fact that several deaths, allegedly caused by the domestic violence were reported in Kashmir during the past one year. For instance, in early March last year, a 32-year-old woman, mother of two little children, in Rampora village of north Kashmir’s Bandipora district, died by suicide. Her parental family accused her husband and in-laws of forcing the woman to kill herself. They claimed that the deceased was being constantly harassed for dowry by her in-laws. A month later, on April 07, Raja Banoo, 54, succumbed to burn injuries in a Srinagar hospital. She was allegedly set on fire by her in-laws at Aakhoora Mattan of south Kashmir’s Anantnag district on March 25. She had suffered more than 50 percent injuries. During her treatment in Srinagar’s SMHS Hospital, Banoo had recorded a video clip, in which she accused her in-laws of assaulting her and setting her ablaze. This video went viral on social media platforms. Her kin claimed that the victim had been subjected to domestic violence since her marriage nine years ago.
On April 10, a 32-year-old woman, also a mother of two kids, ended her life by suicide in the same district. Police registered an FIR against her husband for abetment to suicide and domestic violence. Following the incident, the outraged relatives of the dead woman torched her in-laws’ house. They accused that the in-laws of the deceased, who was into the seventh year of her marriage, forced her to take this extreme step.
Experts say that cases of domestic violence are under-reported in Kashmir because of the social stigma attached to these incidents. They say only the incidents which end up with the death of the victim are reported in the media. They also say that Jammu and Kashmir lack proper investigating mechanism and law-enforcement in terms of the crimes against women.
To get a clearer overview of the scenario in terms of the incidences of domestic violence in the Valley, KASHMIR IMAGES spoke with some experts.
Here are the excerpts:
Vasundhara Pathak Masoodi
Supreme Court lawyer; former (the last) chairperson of Jammu and Kashmir Women and Child Right’s Commission (erstwhile)
A large number of women are subjected to domestic violence in Kashmir and dowry is one of the key causes for this hostility. They suffer, suffocate, and are victimized. Even some cases of extreme brutality against women were brought to my notice when I was heading the Women and Child Rights Commission here.
For instance, just a day after I took over the charge of my position in the commission, a case came to me wherein a woman was murdered, but the police had registered the matter as a case of suicide. I heard the parents of the victim and analyzed the case thoroughly and then ensured police investigates the matter keenly. The relatives of the deceased told me how the victim had been subjected to torture and violence by her in-laws since the day she was married. Finally, the investigation proved that their allegation was not false.
During my tenure, I dealt with numerous such cases and made sure that the victim gets justice and the perpetrators face the law. Even, just a couple of days before the commission had to be winded up following the abrogation of Article 370, in August 2019, I received a complaint from a family in Kupwara, informing me that their daughter was set ablaze and then admitted to SMHS hospital in Srinagar for treatment. They accused her in-laws for setting their daughter on fire. Neither police, nor the parents of the woman had been informed about the incident. The victim was in 10 years of marriage and during all this time she was subjected to harassment, torture, and violence by her in-laws. She would live in a tin shed after her in-laws had thrown her out of the house. That day commission was closing down, I tried to contact some police officials to ensure the matter is properly investigated. I don’t know what happened to that lady, but this case still haunts me.
Given my experience and observation as the head of the Women and Child Rights Commission, I would strongly suggest government re-establish it again. In the given situation, this victim-friendly organization needs to exist here. The women who are facing domestic violence have nowhere to go to seek justice and to get some relief. The commission was the biggest hope for the victims. They could walk in freely and register their complaints on zero expenditure and get fast-track decisions on their cases.
Ezabir Ali
Founder/Secretary EHSAAS (an NGO); Executive Board Member Voluntary Health Association of India (VHAI); Member Women Mediator from Commonwealth country
The incidences of domestic violence have always been there in our society. However, it has been observed such cases have risen during the pandemic lockdowns. Since most of the people were holed up in their homes, and eventually, in some cases, women got locked up in their homes with their abusers — who sometimes happened to be their husbands or other relatives. I have come across many such cases since the outbreak of the pandemic.
Unfortunately, most of the women suffering from domestic violence do not come out to share their ordeal because of certain reasons. Some of them are not financially well off to take care of themselves independently. Therefore, they prefer to tolerate every form of domestic violence in their homes but do not dare to move out of the violent relationships. In some cases, such women lack parental support. Some of them tolerate everything because they have been groomed to tolerance. Their parents have told them that ‘Maike se doliutthihai, ab susraal say jinazahi uthnichahiye’ (you have left parent’s house in a palanquin, now should leave your in-laws’ house only after you are dead). Such women are always at the receiving end. Also, most of the women who are suffering the domestic violence are not comfortable talking about their ordeal because of the social stigma attached to it.
Moreover, some women who are suffering domestic abuse and want to come out of abusive relationships have nowhere to go. Unlike, in other states, we do not have shelter houses here for vulnerable women.
A few years ago, when the Srinagar administration had built shelters for the non-local beggars to put them in these shelters before pushing them back to their native places; I wrote to the Deputy Commissioner (DC) appreciating his efforts for the baggers, and asked him why the administration does not build the same kind of shelter houses for the local women who are suffering domestic violence and are in a dire need of temporary accommodation?
Unfortunately, we as a society do not pay enough attention to the problems that women are facing here. We even lack awareness about these issues. A lot of work needs to be done to ensure the protection of the vulnerable women in our society.
Shaista Qayum
Assistant Professor (Sociology),Government Degree College, Baramulla
The institution of marriage and family, which is one of the basic institutions of every human society, has got eroded in Kashmir over the years and eventually, we see a number of problems including the incidences of domestic violence occurring everywhere in society. We have mostly lost ethical and moral values, which could support and uphold the dignity of relationships in our families. As if all that was not enough, we have developed a patriarchal society to the extent that an abusive man is considered normal in our society, while as a woman is supposed to be submissive to a man. This mindset has been failing the institution of marriage and family further.
Unfortunately, the institution of religion has also weakened in our society in recent years. Take a look to see that our society is divided into innumerable sects of religion. Earlier people did not use to pay much attention to the sects but they would be fearful of God. They would obey the teaching of the religion and apply them to their lives. But now things have changed a lot. It seems many people have lost faith in religion. That is why despite being a Muslim majority society; evils like domestic violence are rising.
Besides, losing faith in the guiding principles of our religion, we have lost our traditional values as well. People have become materialistic. Earlier people would get married with the intention of being in lifelong relationships. But nowadays marriages are based on fantasies because individualism has taken over the collective life. Extramarital affairs, which are also a major cause of domestic violence, have become a norm in our society now. In this situation, I think we need to uphold the values, which are supportive to a society and family system.
Laila Qureshi
Psychologist, Mental Health Counselor
Assaulting a woman, or inflicting physical harm to her — whether at her parental home or at her in-law’s place— is the worst form of domestic violence. Violence or injustice to a woman neither should be justified nor tolerated. Sadly, we see an ample number of such cases occurring in our society on daily basis.
That said, I have also a different perspective about domestic violence. Since I have been dealing with cases of domestic violence and meeting the victims every now and then, I can tell you with authenticity that it is not always a woman who is subjected to domestic violence. Sometimes men are forced to face different forms of domestic violence in their married lives. However, in our society, we do not bother much about men. I can give you a number of examples wherein the lives of men have been turned to hell by the women.
Just a couple of days ago I heard a woman explaining how she was facing injustice at the hands of her husband and his parents. Her ordeal was painful, yet I decided to listen to her husband and his parents as well. They told me their version of the story. I cannot share all the details of the case with you but I can tell the woman too was not that innocent. She was reluctant to the extent that she wanted her in-laws to transfer a major portion of their house to her and her husband’s name. Her parents-in-law told me that they have also a younger son who is unmarried. How could they accept her unjustified demand? They were ready to give her sufficient place in the house to live in separately with her husband. But the daughter-in-law was reluctant to the extent that she chose to continue living in a rental place with her husband, instead of shifting to his own house.
After looking into so many cases of domestic violence and after meeting a number of victims, I have reached the conclusion that the root cause of most of our domestic issues lies in our unending greed. We have developed a sick society over the years. Our individual and collective lifestyles have brought miseries to our lives. Unfortunately, we have been building our society on lies and negativity.
Take for an example the institution of marriage: We have added so many unknown cultures and traditions to it that a marriage, which otherwise is a beautiful part of life, has itself become a misery. I fail to understand why are we hell-bent to invite more trouble into our lives by adding alien Riti Riwajs (traditions) to marriage and family institutions. Many people are unknowingly in a rat race following these insignificant traditions.
Also, in some cases, I have seen unnecessary interference by the parents and elders at home is causing troubles in the life of a young married couple. For instance, if a couple wants to live separate from the other family members, the elders do not allow them. This interference eventually creates issues in the life of a married couple and sometimes causes domestic violence.
To conclude, I would say that if we have to end the incidences of domestic violence in our society, we ought to get rid of the insignificant and worthless traditions of society. We can live a happy life by simplifying it.
Dr. Mir Suheel Rasool
Expert on social issues —with a doctoral degree in sociology— who works on mental health, suicides, and woman issues in Kashmir
The most apparent domestic violence causes —ranging from marital discords to various social, cultural, and economic issues— are known to everyone. However, to find out the root cause of the problem, we need to look at how the institution of marriage and family has got a constant drift over the years. The women in these institutions are not only subjected to domestic violence but they are made to face mental illnesses as well. This is what I have observed during my research, and while meeting more than 200 people in recent years.
On the basis of my observation, I can tell you that the ground realities in terms of domestic violence are terrible in Kashmir. Worst, the situation is intensifying with each passing day. Pick any ten houses and you will find at least three of them having domestic violence victims, mostly women, there. I would say that most of the domestic violence incidences in the Valley are unreported. These incidences occur behind the four walls of the house and nobody knows how much the victims suffer there. We only get alerted when there is a death caused by domestic violence.
Look at the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) reports, which say that women aged 20-35 are most vulnerable to domestic violence in Jammu and Kashmir. NCRB reports also say that most of the women who commit suicide actually take this extreme step because they are facing day-to-day violence.
In most of the cases, violence against women starts from their parental homes where their wishes in terms of choosing their life partners are not taken care of. Most of the women are forced to marry as per the choices of their parents and relatives.
As a society, we need to think about why domestic violence is still there while we have been progressing in terms of technology, economy, and education. Our literacy rate has risen many folds during the past few decades, yet our womenfolk are grappling with domestic violence. This simply means that even education has failed to eradicate domestic violence in our society. Culturally, we had got tremendous changes since the world turned into a global village. But structurally our society is still living in the past. Sadly, domestic violence has gone institutionalized in our society, and that is the reason we are no more shocked by seeing the new cases every day.
In fact, the domestic violence is imbibed in our social structure. We still believe that it is okay if a woman faces physical or emotional violence at her in-law’s house. In fact, parents still tell their daughters that they are supposed to tolerate every kind of excesses at their husband’s house. They even don’t hesitate to misquote Lal Ded to convince their daughters to tolerate everything at in-law’s house.
If we really want an end to domestic violence in our society, we need to get some structural changes in our society. And, the restructuring of the society needs community participation. Community participation means that every institution — Schools, Muhalla committees, clergy, and so on — must be there to ensure our womenfolk are not subjected to violence. For instance, let us start teaching our male children that any form of violence against a woman is a sin. Let us incorporate a subject on gender equality into the school curriculum and make children understand that God had created men and women as equals. Since we have a Muslim-dominated society here, the clergy class can prove of great help in awakening and making people aware and thus ensure domestic violence is stopped. Also, let the Muhalla Committees get mobilized to ensure no woman is facing any form of violence in the surroundings.
Above all, let us make our daughters bold enough to protect their rights. We should tell them that it is not okay to be subjected to any form of domestic violence.
