By Faizaan Bashir
Every time I thought of writing about how porn has wreaked havoc on every aspect of my life, myriad of voices would come from my mind, screaming what the “civilised” people would think of me, which then put a strong pause on my writing. This time I made my mind strong enough to defy all those voices. To go about revealing the trap of porn I have been totally caught in.
It all started when I was 12 years old. I was playing with my cousin’s phone, and suddenly some naked images and videos of men and women struck my eye. I was shocked, then, to see something beyond the stretch of my imagination. I couldn’t comprehend what I was witnessing, but I got totally immersed in it as months elapsed. Those images and videos would pop into my mind million times a day and I would ask my cousin for his mobile to again see the same.
Gradually, it started to take a turn for the worse: I purchased my own cell phone, and not a single day would glide by without me watching porn for hours on end. On the days, when I didn’t get a chance to watch it, it felt like something was lacking. Porn was dominating me, and I let it dominate my mind. I got lost in its glare to the point of no return.
Resultantly, it started impacting my psyche in a huge way and everything around me began turning grim. I proved to be the worst of all the bad boys in school. Every time I tried to study, I ended up grabbing my phone and watching the stuff. My results had my whole family bury their heads in shame. It was porn at the back of my mind. And that’s what affected me terribly.
When you have made a fake world your home, the real one is sure to scare the hell out of you. That’s what happened with me. Whenever I would go out of my house, I would run across people of my age so good in health, so quick in talking, in thinking, in reacting. I would nearly die in self-loathing. “What has become of me!” I would often ask myself with tears rolling down my cheeks.
My life had become so nasty and a vicious circle: from failing to coming to terms with the real world to turning back to the fake one. Porn acted as a coping mechanism for me. And this is how porn seizes our minds!
When my psychological health conditions worsened, I went to see the psychiatrist t. Many counseling sessions and medicines I was prescribed. At the end of the day, nothing worked for me. I hung on the stories of those who had left watching porn. I made lacks of promises to myself that I won’t do it again -tried prayers, begging God for death- But I miserably failed to get myself snap out of this worst-case scenario.
Honestly speaking, a decade has passed by now, and I still find myself wandering in the fake worlds of porn. Such dominating it is in nature. I really have no suggestions to offer for the people as to the cessation of watching porn. However, on the fact, every human being is unique in their own way. Find the ways to keep the waves of porn from washing over you. What it has brought about in my life scares me to death!
Feedback ID: peerfaizanbashir@gmail.com
