Alhamdulillah, in the fabled land of Kashmir – where chinars blush in autumn and promises melt faster than snowflakes in March – a grand political baby was conceived. It came wrapped in the robes of revival, dignity, and democracy, sold with slogans louder than a wazwan wedding band.
Nine months ago, amid rants of resurrection and the fanfare of “historic mandate,” the National Conference government took oath, swore allegiance to the people, and, metaphorically, cut the umbilical cord of public hope.
And yet, here we are. Nine full moons later. Not a cry. Not a murmur. No kicking, no cooing. The baby, it seems, was born stillborn. Or was not born at all.
Ultrasound Showed Promise, Delivery Brought Gas!
Even nature respects the nine-month deadline. You sow a seed, and with the right care, you reap fruit. But the NC government, led by the ever-eloquent Omar Abdullah, has been watering only one plant: the creeper of statehood fetishism. Governance? Infrastructure? Public service reforms? Employment generation? Ha! These are mere distractions in the majestic opera of “Give us our Statehood and Let Omar Rule Forever.”
You must understand, dear reader, that Omar Abdullah doesn’t merely want to be a Chief Minister. He wants to be the Chief Monarch. The Sultan of Statehood. The Maharaja of Restored Dignity. While the common Kashmiri stares at potholes deep enough to hold a fishing contest, Omar’s mind is preoccupied with grand designs of returning to a throne draped in the golden shawl of autonomy.
Meanwhile, actual governance is like that mysterious aunt who was supposed to visit in June but is still “on the way.”
Mannequin, Oops, The Manifesto Show!
Remember the promises? Oh, how poetically they were packaged! “We will restore the trust of the people.” “Jobs for youth!” “Revival of tourism!” “Clean water, better schools, hospitals that aren’t haunted!”
Nine months in, what have we seen?
- Tourism is left to the mercy of TikTok influencers posing on Pahalgam rocks while open drains waft an alternative aroma of “adventure tourism.”
- Healthcare is in such a robust condition that going to the hospital feels like enrolling in a mystery reality show: “Guess Your Diagnosis Before the Doctor Does!”
- Education is innovative now – you learn more from Twitter threads than from government-run schools.
- Roads? Well, those are obstacle courses in a reality show for adrenaline junkies. If your car survives the next pothole, congratulations – you win a spine realignment coupon!
And where is the Chief Minister in all this? Dreaming of Darbar Move in his new State of Mind.
From Vision to Illusion to Confusion!
To be fair, Omar Abdullah speaks fluently. His English is Oxford-polished, his Urdu is poetic, and his speeches are like good 3D movies – plenty of effects but no substance. He has revised the definition of governance from “public service delivery” to “Twitter engagements and ceremonial inaugurations.” That also includes that of a calendar. If governance were an app, NC would be stuck on the loading screen with “Error 404: Intent Not Found.”
And every time someone dares question this majestic inertia, the NC loyalists cry: “But statehood! Everything will be fine after statehood.” This is the classic NC move – sell tomorrow, escape today. They have been doing it ever since most of you, and certainly I, were not born. Even Omar was not born.
It’s like promising to fix your leaking roof after you’ve bought a new chandelier. Meanwhile, the rainwater pools under the sofa. The sofa has begun to stink now.
The Mute Ministers on The Battery Down Alert!
In ancient folklore, we had jinns – powerful beings who were invisible but could move mountains. Today’s ministers of NC are similar, except they neither move mountains nor files. They are invisible, yes, but mostly to avoid responsibility. If you send an RTI query to find out what your local NC minister has done in 9 months, you’ll likely get a scented envelope that reads: “Being seen is not the same as being effective. Please enjoy the ambiguity.”
Some were last seen posing with shovels for a ceremonial garbage-cleaning campaign, which was ironically abandoned after 30 minutes – leaving the garbage more confused than the citizens.
No Runs, No Wickets, Just Appeals!
Whenever pressed, the NC ministers adopt the graceful strategy of finger-pointing. “Previous administration ruined everything.” “Centre is not cooperating.” “LG left us with mess.” At this point, blaming predecessors has become NC’s state sport – if they hosted a World Cup for blame-shifting, NC would reach finals every time and lose by blaming the umpire.
Governance, as a concept, is being treated like a musical instrument NC doesn’t know how to play but refuses to let anyone else touch. Every suggestion is met with condescension and a dismissive wave of “You don’t understand the complexities of Kashmir.” Yes, but even a toddler understands that garbage should not be dining with tourists.
DJ Omar on Repeat: Now Playing ‘Statehood Remix Vol. 9’!
Now to the star of this symphony – Mr. Omar Abdullah, Kashmir’s poster boy of inherited politics and selective amnesia. The man has made “statehood” a personal mantra. But what’s really driving it? The promise of decentralization and empowerment? Hardly. It’s the fantasy of singular power, of being addressed again as “Your Excellency” and not just a Tweeting CM. Or a looridastar!
Good governance, administrative reforms, people’s participation – these are second-page concerns. First page is statehood, back page is selfies, and the editorial is pure nostalgia. Omar behaves less like a public servant and more like an app that only runs one function – “Demand Statehood” – regardless of what button you press.
Kashmir Needs a Government, Not a Drama Troupe!
What the NC has managed to deliver in these nine months is not governance but theatre. A farcical, repetitive, painfully predictable play of excuses and symbolic gestures. They light a few streetlamps and expect the public to write odes. They rename a chowk and think it’s reform. They issue orders that no one follows and call it vision. And when they don’t anything they make you belive they want to do everything but LG is running after them with a China-made club having nails stuck to its head which they used against Indian soldiers in one of the recent border skirmishes someplace in Ladakh.
Kashmir, meanwhile, continues to wait. For jobs. For roads. For peace. For real leaders.
Let the Baby Be Adopted? But Where Is the Baby?
As Kashmiris, we are used to waiting. We wait for snow to melt, for tourists to arrive, for roads to reopen, for the next leader to remember our mohalla exists. But this nine-month wait has felt especially cruel – not because it was long, but because it was empty.
If NC was to deliver hope, it turned out to be a phantom pregnancy.
Maybe it’s time to accept that some parents are simply unfit. Maybe this political baby, stillborn as it is, should be adopted by those who actually care – not just about power, but about people. Even NC can do it, but it won’t. They simply are not habitual of shouldering this sort of responsibility. History is witness to it. That Kashmiris can’t see it is their bad luck.
Let the NC write another poetic lament about statehood, if it pleases them. But Kashmiris, Khodaya reham, are starving for governance – not more drama, not more delay, and certainly not more dynastic desperation. And no, Omar Saab, governance doesn’t require statehood.
It requires spine. And sincerity. And pain for this land.
Three things your party seems to have misplaced in utero. Both then, and now. Astaghfirullah!
