By: Wani Arfat
Marriage constitutes a foundational institution that binds a man and a woman in a committed relationship. It represents both a social and legal contract between the couple and the state, regulating their economic and intimate interactions. In contemporary society, marriage is ubiquitous and symbolizes responsibility, affection, and mutual trust. However, an alarming trend is evident in urban settings, where a significant number of individuals remain unmarried even at advanced ages.
According to Islamic jurisprudence, marriage is permitted as early as the age of twelve; yet, there are individuals, both male and female, who remain unwed well into their thirties or forties. Islamic matrimonial rights underscore the importance of dowry (mahr), protection, respect, and the safeguarding of individual entitlements. From a secular standpoint, factors such as mutual respect, affection, shared responsibilities, emotional sustenance, and personal autonomy are paramount in a marriage, irrespective of whether viewed through a religious or modern lens.
Causes of Delayed Marriages
Improper Partner Selection: The process of selecting an appropriate spouse often proves to be time-consuming, which leads to prolonged delays in the marriage process.
Financial Constraints: Numerous individuals desire to marry but are hindered by financial limitations, thereby postponing matrimonial arrangements until sufficient funds can be amassed.
Personal Preferences: A young man or woman may harbor affection for a potential partner but may be reluctant to disclose these feelings to their family, causing a delay in progressing toward marriage.
Concerns over Dowry: The expectation and negotiation of dowry often act as significant impediments, contributing to delays in marriage.
Prioritization of Education and Career: Many individuals prioritize their academic and professional pursuits, thereby postponing marriage to focus on their career advancement and educational achievements.
Family Expectations and Traditions: In some cases, individuals delay marriage in accordance with the expectations or traditions upheld by their families, leading to deferred matrimonial decisions.
Cultural and Community Norms: Certain communities emphasize the importance of marrying within their own social or ethnic group, which can further delay the search for a marriageable partner.
Preoccupation with Physical Appearance: An undue emphasis on superficial attributes, particularly physical beauty, can delay marriage, as parents may dismiss the maturity of their adult children, especially sons, citing that they are still “too young” for marriage.
Exorbitant Dowries: The inflated demands for dowries, sometimes ranging from two to three million rupees, can severely delay marriage arrangements. Rather than allocating excessive funds for constructing mosques or establishing new religious institutions, the focus should shift toward facilitating affordable marriages for underprivileged young women, thereby curbing societal immorality.
Consequences of Delayed Marriages
Complications in Procreation: As individuals age, the likelihood of encountering complications in pregnancy and childbirth increases, leading to both physical and psychological stress for the prospective parents.
Social and Familial Pressure: Individuals who marry later in life often face undue pressure from family and peers, who question the reasons for the delay and cast doubt on their personal life choices.
Psychological Loneliness: Those who marry later may experience profound isolation, particularly when they find themselves as the only unmarried individuals among their friends and acquaintances.
Divergence in Relationship Expectations: Postponing marriage can result in discrepancies in life goals, expectations, and cultural practices, which may introduce significant challenges in sustaining a harmonious relationship.
Health Deterioration: Aging brings with it various health challenges that may negatively affect the dynamics of married life.
Missed Life Experiences: Delaying marriage may result in the loss of formative life experiences that could have contributed positively to the individual’s personal growth and development.
Excessive Focus on Material Wealth: A preoccupation with attaining financial security may distract individuals from the more profound aspects of happiness and fulfillment within a marital relationship.
Generational Disconnect: Late marriages often contribute to a widening generational gap between parents and children, which can cause cultural and ideological misunderstandings.
Increasing Difficulty in Finding a Suitable Partner: The longer an individual remains unmarried, the more challenging it may become to find a compatible partner, as age-related factors may limit options.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised that marriage should be evaluated based on four key criteria: physical beauty, wealth, lineage, and piety. He emphasized that piety should be the primary consideration when choosing a spouse.
Additionally, prolonged singleness may lead individuals into immoral behaviors, such as consuming inappropriate content online or engaging in illicit actions. A tragic case, such as the rape and murder of an eight-year-old girl named Asifa, highlights the dire consequences of unmarried individuals falling prey to such temptations.
The Need for Societal Reform
Addressing the root causes of delayed marriages is imperative for fostering a safer and more cohesive society. A few years ago, a tragic incident occurred in Kolkata at RG Kar College, where a young doctor was raped and subsequently murdered. This heinous crime underscores the vulnerability of young women in our society. One underlying issue contributing to such violence may be the fact that many young men are still unmarried. If individuals were to marry at an appropriate age, the overall safety of women could be enhanced.
It is vital to undergo a paradigm shift in our collective mindset toward marriage. Encouraging timely marriage could mitigate the likelihood of young people engaging in immoral behaviors, reducing societal violence and safeguarding the dignity of women. Protecting our daughters, sisters, and mothers must be a collective priority. To reduce the incidence of sexual assault and other crimes, it is essential to advocate for early, responsible marriages for both men and women.
For those who are financially incapable of bearing the costs of a lavish wedding, we should embrace the simplicity outlined in Islamic teachings, promoting straightforward marriages even if it involves modest practices, such as marrying with dates. The societal tendency to demand opulent weddings, often costing millions of rupees, is harmful and excludes many young people from marrying, thereby contributing to moral decay.
Dear Parents, if you are concerned for the future of your children and wish to preserve their dignity and protect them from the dangers of immorality, please consider arranging their marriages promptly. By doing so, you will enable them to avoid the temptations of wrongful behavior and lead fulfilling, dignified lives. Let us unite in transforming our approach to marriage and work toward creating a safer, more stable society for generations to come.
The writer is a columnist. waniarfat6817@gmail.com
