By: Syed Majid Gilani
As I held you in my arms for the first time, my heart overflowed with joy, gratitude and rush of emotions. As I cradled you in my arms, pressing you close to my heart, I felt an overwhelming sense of serenity. Tears of joy streamed down my cheeks, reflecting the deep solace and completion you brought to my life. In that sacred moment, I kissed your forehead, whispered the gentle words of Azaan into your ears, and named you Murshad-(one guided to the right path).
October 23rd, 2019 – the day you arrived, changing my life forever. I vividly remember that moment at Modern Hospital, Srinagar, when Dr. (Prof.) Tasneem Gowhar expertly guided your birth, bringing you into this world. Your tiny hands and innocent gaze captivated my soul. You became my heartbeat, my everything. I ensured your circumcision was performed with care by surgeon Dr. Nisar Ahmad on the second day, just as I had done for your elder brother Arshad. My days were filled with unconditional love.
I would hug you hundreds of times daily, feeling your warmth and sweetness. Every kiss on your soft cheeks, every cuddle, and every whisper of affection reinforced our bond. Your smiles filling me with immeasurable happiness. In those precious moments, the world would stand still. Time would freeze, leaving only us – lost in the depths of our love. With every passing day, our connection grew stronger. Your laughter and cries was music to my ears, and your tiny steps were a symphony of joy.
Your curious gaze would search for mine, and our eyes would lock in a loving embrace. I well remember the challenging times during the 2020 global lockdown, when circumstances did not allow for a traditional barber’s visit for your first head shaving. Your mom and I got a trimmer from Citizen Electronics and I shaved your head myself for the very first time, prioritizing safety above all. Your siblings Arshad and Sarah’s joyful faces made the moment unforgettable.
Fate has been cruel, temporarily separating me from the very children who bring meaning to my existence. My heart bleeds, my soul aches, and every waking moment is filled with longing. The distance between us feels like an endless void.
Dear son, I remember the quarantine period vividly. Confined to a small room on the ground floor, I would catch glimpses of you, Arshad, and Sarah through the small gaps between the doorframe and hinges. Those moments were my succour, soother and a treasure. Presently, despite you three being out of my sight, you do continue to be a solace and breather to me, enabling me to calmly brave all the odds and hardships thrust upon me.
Imposing full faith in Allah’s mercy, I remain sanguine, holding onto hope that soon, the truth will unfold, and I will be reunited with you and your siblings, Arshad and Sarah. You will understand the circumstances that led to our separation, and your heart will recognize the love and sacrifices, I made for you. I cherish memories of our time together. I secured your admission to nursery in November 2022, eager to watch you grow and flourish.
I even sent you to tuition, along with your siblings, to the madam’s home in our neighbourhood, ensuring you received the best possible foundation. Moulvi Mohamad Muzaffar Shah would visit our home regularly to teach Quran to your elder siblings, and I would encourage him to motivate you to join them by play way method, preparing you for your own Quranic journey. Alas! Fate had other plans. On March 16th, 2023, our lives took a drastic turn, and circumstances temporarily tore us apart. My heart shattered into a million pieces, longing to be reunited with you.
Now, as you grow in LKG Green at Crescent Public School, Naseem Bagh, know that I am with you in spirit. I envision your bright smile illuminating the classroom and your curious mind absorbing the knowledge. I pray that you feel the depth of my love, despite the distance between us. May Almighty Allah bless you with excellent health, outstanding education, a strong moral character, and a heart filled with kindness.
May your life be filled with love, laughter and happiness. May you grow into a compassionate and courageous individual making me proud. Syed Murshad Gilani, Papa loves you more than words can express. You will forever be etched in my heart.
With all my love, tears, and longing, know that your Papa’s heart beats solely for you, Arshad and Sarah. My love for you three is boundless, and my life’s purpose is to see you turn to your roots, embracing your heritage and values.
Syed Majid Gilani is a writer and works as a GST Inspector for the Government of Jammu & Kashmir. He can be reached at syedmajid6676@gmail.com
